The Code The code of the snowboarder

In the days when martial arts were finally being formalized after generations of undirected development, the fathers of these arts often produced codes of honor for their followers to heed, to ensure that the art never slipped into the wrong hands. Since the early days of snowboarding, this art-like sport has virtually exploded in popularity causing the once focused familiarity, understanding, and honor to become lost or at least a bit confused.

While I am hardly a master of the art of snowboarding and would never claim to be one of its many illegitimate fathers, I do have this deadline staring me in the face and the Code of the Snowboarder seems an adequately asinine topic for this column. So, if you can please just bare with me for a few moments while I climb on my soapbox, I’d like to propose to you The Chairman of the ‘Board’s “Code of the Boarder.” Why not print out a copy and stick it to your fridge next to the Dominos menu?

The code of the snowboarder:

As a Snowboarder I pledge myself to The Code of The Boarder for the good of all:

Be a boarder! Ride by the code!

Here are some more details regarding the above code explaining why I chose the things that I did as well as a few of the rejects!

To defend the plight of the snowboarder without condition
Codes always start this way. It is in The Code of Writing Codes to start a code of honor like this.

To never steal a board.
A snowboard is a boarder’s most sacred possession; one who would steal a board is a cretin. Why should we have to buy snowboard locks? Never steal a board.

   
To never require that someone wait for me longer than five minutes.
This is aimed more at beginners; those with experience understand that to ask someone to wait while they could be snowboarding is a very rude thing to do. Let them go and do your best to catch up. As a beginner this is also a good way to push yourself and build your skills.

To carry a screwdriver and lend it generously.
Just one screwdriver can save you and your crew so much time and effort. Be proud to be the first person on the scene with a screwdriver handy!

To never sit in the middle of a slope nor in the landing areas of a park.
Even if you have one of those falls where your hat and goggles land several meters away from you and from each other, before you try to recall your name or the number of the Humvee that just hit you, please humbly move out of the way.

To decry and work always to abolish line-jumping.
Everyone in line paid admission too. Don’t cut in line.

To never inform the ski patrol of any boarders’ actions unless I am 100% sure they are in danger.
I thought this was well understood but I have had fellow snowboarders rat me out while I was off-piste, shocking! When a snowboarder goes off-piste it is for deeply personal and spiritual reasons that are beyond the normal comprehension of the local ski patrol, please don’t disturb this crucial meditation in any way.

To sit with strangers on the lift for the sake of those waiting behind me.
You don’t like waiting in line and neither does anyone else. So, why do you wait when a perfectly good spot on the lift chair is open in front of you? You’ll catch up with your crew at the top and the whole line can move forward so, even if it is next to a smelly dork-skier, take that seat.

To never brake on a jump ramp.
This is just bad, bad for the jump, bad for you, bad for the universe. Take the jump, or the jump will take you.

To accept responsibility for the injuries I cause.
If you hit someone in front of you, it is your fault, period. They were in front of you.
Hit and run is a felony in a car. It should be a felony on a snowboard as well. I’m not saying, “Ride in control,” what I really mean is that you should keep your distance. Consider the safety of others, even if you don’t consider your own.

To struggle ceaselessly to free the snow thus ending all bans on snowboarding forever.
This is your highest duty.

Rejects! No code is without a few rejects because a code should be short and have impact. Here are some things I would have liked to add but they just seemed to dilute the code. Feel free to add them to your own personal copy!

To take the stairs, escalators are for skiers.
Escalators are for skiers; a real snowboarder takes the stairs! This is pretty well universally understood so, no need to write it down.

Jason Brown takes the stairs

To tighten all the screws in my bindings before I hit the slopes.
You should always do this because it takes 5 minutes and save you hassles later on. However, this is more of a personal preference than something required by honor.

To guffaw loudly whenever I hear the words “short ski” ? a.k.a “dork-ski”.
This is the natural reaction of a snowboarder so putting it in the code is unnecessary.

We’re all members of the same crew in the end so ride with pride and follow the code!

That’s all for now, ‘Board Members. The snow is falling on the peaks right on schedule so wax ‘em up, do some stretches and lets start the season right!