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If
you want to avoid lousy weather, you’d better start dancing! |
I watched the weather more closely this year than ever before....
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Those of us who like me are forced to live on the terms of an ignorant
society that fails to recognize the unpredictable and desperate importance of
snowfall and therefore can only snowboard on the weekends will surely have
noticed a startling trend. 2002 was marred by a persistent pattern in the
weekly weather whereby it would snow on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, the
warm up for Fri and Saturday, sometimes bringing rain. Sunday would be clear
and warm then, the temperature would drop again on Tuesday and the whole
process would start over. If this had happened once or twice, I would have
chalked it all up to bad luck but, depressingly, I noticed this disturbing
trend at least five times in the past year! It was almost as if someone was
ordaining it, as if we weekend warriors were being… punished.
I can’t claim to understand exactly how weather patterns work and why snow
falls on any given day but, after this past season I know better than to merely
attribute it to random wind patterns, air masses, and pockets of moisture which
are unwillingly bumping each other across the globe and fortunately, I am not
alone in my suspicions.
Fellow Tokyo resident Charles Miscampbell got tired of dropping several
thousands of yen on bullet train tickets and accommodations only to come across
a mountain of slush and rain so he decided to do something about it. After days
of intense study of ancient cultural weather beliefs, nights of modern hip-hop
training, and liters of low-grade whiskey, he developed a snow-dance so
versatile and simple that anyone can learn it and fit it to any music they
like.
Charles brought his dance with him on a snowboard/ski trip to Hakuba to test
it out. Dancing furiously in his hotel room the night before, he spent the next
day hiding from the rain in a mountain top coffee shop, but he knew it was too
soon to except failure. "Ancient cultures never did these types of weather
dances solo, they always had a big group of people doing it. It isn’t easy to
get the attention of the weather controlling gods by yourself, but if you can
get a big group together you usually can get the message across." That
evening he went out to the streets and taught an entire local bar filled with
people his sure-fire snow-dance. "There must have been 30 of them there,
and they were all eager for snow so they were happy to learn the dance!"
The next day, the snow did not stop falling for 13 hours. "People kept
asking me how to make it stop but I prefer to keep that dance a secret."
Charles teaches a group of
weather-weary boarders his snow-dance
Charles ended his season soon after March but he believes that the dance will
continue to be a success next year, "especially if we can get everyone
together across the country performing it. 2003 will be a year for record
snows!"
I asked Charles if he could explain why this seasons weather was so…evil.
"So many people grumble about the weather which is just so stupid. The
2001/2002 was amazing, record snowfalls all around the country, but still some
people still managed to complain about it, the snow gods don’t like
that." Charles lowered his voice to explain, "The gods are pretty
temperamental, the smallest things really just pisses them off. Fortunately,
this dance helps to appease them."
Charles explained that many arrogant people in the cities are the main
problem behind the weather. "People in the city are used to having
everything brought to them on a silver platter but the gods just don’t work
that way." He explained that most people make sloppy demands on the
weather, praying for snow or sun in exchange for being good. In many cases
people think that spending lots of money on hotels and trains somehow makes
them deserving. "Hell, the gods don’t care about any of that stuff, they
want to DANCE! People don’t even know the names of the gods that they are
praying to! "If you were a god, what would you do? I don’t blame them at
all for their performance this season."
I had scarcely heard of the gods myself but there is an international forum
of gods who work in cooperation to develop the snows around the world. At the
top of this icy ladder of deities is Ullr from Norway, who is known for his
deep love of snow and for his prowess at traveling very quickly through it.
Ullr is assisted in the creation of snow by a pantheon of international gods
like Kun from South America, Sadwes from the Middle East, Tung Lu in China and
of course Kura Okami in Japan. "Kura Okami is difficult to appease, he has
had a rough upbringing." Charles explained. I checked it out later and
discovered a small piece of information about Kura Okami’s difficult
childhood in the Japan\s ancient creation myth, The Kojiki. Apparently Kura
Okami’s grandfather, His Augustness the Male-Who-Invites, chopped off his own
son’s – Kura’s father, Shining Elder’s – head off and Kura Okami and
his brothers and sisters were all born of the blood that dribbled out of their
fathers body. "That kind of thing can mess up a guy for a good long while.
Dancing helps him take his mind off things, you know" Charles explained.
His grandfather killed his
father, which might lead to the extra-psychological difficulties associated
with Kura Okami’s appeasement
As you may have guessed, I’m standing behind anything that brings snow to
Japan, especially if it is something as simple as this dance. I think that we,
as snowboarders, owe it to ourselves and to the community at large to appease
the snow gods. You should all learn this dance and practice at each available
moment! I have described it below and it is quite simple.
The Stomp helps get the attention of the gods.
The entire danced is performed in a low posture as if you are snowboarding.
The first step is to lift your left foot off the ground while raising your
right hand and elbow up like a salute to your forehead. Return your left foot
and right hand while lifting your right foot and left hand the same way for
Step 2. Steps 3 and 4 are the same as Steps 1 and 2, you should repeat this
sequence of four steps twice.
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| The
Stomp : Step 1 and 2 |
This one is easy. As if you are looking for something, bring your hand up to
your brow and search. The first step you search to the right, and lean into it.
The second step, you search to the left. It looks as if you are searching for
snow. Steps three and 4 are the same. Repeat this sequence of steps twice.
Again this is easy. First step, hold both of your arms out to the right and
wave them in a hula motion, as if the wind is coming and blowing them to the
right. Step to is the same to the left, make sure to make the transition smooth
as if the wind has changed directions. Again, steps three and four are the
same. Repeat this sequence of 4 twice.
The fourth sequence is crucial. Raise your hands high in the air and then,
waving them quickly as if to mimic snow falling then, you slowly lower your
arms down to the ground. Go from standing on the tips of your toes and follow
your hands all the way down to the ground. When you get down there, jump up
smoothly with the music in a triumphant ‘Japan Grab.’ The Japan Grab is
when you jump off the ground and bend your knee so that your lower left leg so
that your foot goes back and to the side, like a J, reach down quickly before
you come back to the ground and grab your left foot to the side with your right
hand. Your left hand should be raised in triumph. When you get back down to the
ground, everyone claps once together. Then, repeat the whole dance from the
beginning until you notice a drop in temperature.
That is it, the best thing you can do to help improve your chances of a
weekend snow! You have the whole summer to practice so please get to work
because we need this place solid white by 2003!
